train man

My last post dealt with a very difficult time in my family's life. I didn't know when I posted it that only 2 days later, our lives would be rocked to the core and turned upside down. My mom came home from work, just like any other Tuesday evening, and found my dad asleep on the couch. When she couldn't wake him, she called 911 and we met her at the hospital...he couldn't be revived. To be honest, if he could have written his final chapter, he would have gone out just that way---watching ESPN on his couch---I just wish it could have happened 30+ years from now.

One thing that helped me come to terms with this tremendous shock was putting together my Dad's memorial service. I knew for sure was that he was not a fan of funerals so we chose lots of John Lennon music and uplifting readings and ended with "What a Wonderful World". In the middle we heard a beautiful sound...a train whistle...my daddy was there telling us it was all going to be OK. Funerals really are for the people left behind and I hope it helped to bring honor to his life and to his friends and family.

I was given the task of the eulogy. If you had told me even 3 weeks ago that I would have to do this I would have said that I wouldn't be able to...its funny though, I woke up the morning of the memorial after not sleeping for 2 nights and wrote it all at 6 AM. I was ready and able...this is what I wrote...

Ten weeks ago my Daddy retired from working at CSX Railroad for 32 years. He looked forward to that day like crazy and had been counting down for a year. We celebrated with him at his retirement party just a few weeks ago. He was so happy to have everyone there and he was so happy he didn't have to drive to Waycross everyday anymore. But he loved those guys that he worked with very much. He talked about them all the time and we finally got to put some faces to some names when mom and I took my kids to "see Pop's trains" on his last day of work. He may have been looking forward to retirement but it was cut short. One of my mom's favorite quotes is from John Lennon. "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans."

He was born in the Bronx, NY. He was 1st generation in the U.S. from his Irish family. He served his country in Vietnam and he met and married my mom (and her family) 36 years ago. He loved the Yankees, watching football, drinking Coors Light, eating whatever anybody else was cooking for him, and finding crazy good bargains when he was buying stuff for my kids.

He loved my kids. When I was pregnant with my oldest Reilly-Kate, I lived in Atlanta and my mom had been staying with me waiting for the baby's arrival. My daddy was working 3rd shift and we called him around 5 AM and told him it was time. He got in the car. Hours later, he walked in, and asked all the right questions---How are you? Things good? Blah, blah, blah...While he was standing there I started having a contraction. He immediately rubbed my hand and said, "I'm gonna be out here." When Dave announced that it was a girl, Daddy's response was "There goes the credit cards!"

But that was him. He was always there. No matter how far he had to drive to get there or how tired he was---he was there, for the births of children, graduations, grand openings of our store---just waiting to be given a job or just sit and be content people-watching. He was always in the guy in the room that would sit and soak everything in and then would add some zinger of a story when you didn't even know he was listening.

Two of his proudest days were mine and my brother's weddings. He loved Dave and Ginny just like he loved Sean and me and I know he was proud the days they joined our family. I know when I was dating Dave, there was never a formal-type discussion about whether or not he was gonna be "the one". But I knew, early on, when daddy and Dave would sit and watch football together, that he approved.

He was a good Daddy. He always supported and let Sean and I make our own choices. He let us pick where we went to college, whatever we wanted to major in (even if he wasn't sure about the monetary soundness of those decisions---music and religion) I remember calling him and telling him I had the chance to live in Oxford, England for 3 months and do my internship. No question, I was going. We were at the airport and I was lined up to get on the plane. We had hugged and I had said good-bye and then the line was really long and mom and dad and Dave and Stacie were waiting for me to board the plane. All of a sudden he was climbing over the rows of chairs that were between us to come hug me again. Its just what I needed to have enough strength to get on that plane and have once-in-a-lifetime experiences.

He worked hard, he loved his family, and he was always there. He may have been planning for a grand and long retirement and God knows he deserved it but it was not in the cards. His life happened while he was busy making other plans. It was a good life.

One truth has helped me during this very difficult time. Love continues on. My Daddy's love will continue with the memories we all share and keep. His hard work will continue in the work ethic that he instilled in Sean and me. And he will ALWAYS be with us with all the stories, pictures, inside jokes, and memories. I will always be reminded of him and all he gave me when I hear a train whistle.

John Henry was a good husband, a good uncle, a good co-worker, a good friend, a good son-in-law, a good brother-in-law, a good daddy and a great Pop. Thank you daddy for being you. I'm honored to be called your daughter and my kids will always know how much you loved them and you will always be missed.

*just as a little aside...our friends, family, and community have been crazy wonderful to support and hold us up during this time. I've discovered that words aren't strong enough sometimes...shock isn't strong enough, sorry isn't strong enough, and neither is thank you...but its all I've got. Thank you.